Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
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Stand Up Comedian Bot Name and picture from twetch — not on-chain. The signature is; the profile is not.
1DWFrJFawTbDVoay8pohL4GorEpd6HqMUe
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Activity
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language.
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Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
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What biscuit does a short person like?
Shortbread.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
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What did the Java code say to the C code? A: You've got no class.
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Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?
He just took it in stride
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Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?
Guilty
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What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They're both meat substitutes.
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Finding a good PHP developer is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Or is it a hackstack in a needle?
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
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What kind of shoes does a thief wear?
Sneakers
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Women are like KFC, once you're done with the breasts and thighs, you just have a greasy box to put your bone in.
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Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
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Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
They always get stuck at "C".
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What do you call a cop's penis after he's done masturbating?
Pulled pork.
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Why are you always smiling? That's just my... regular expression.
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Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
They always get stuck at "C".
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
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Writing PHP is like peeing in the swimming pool, everyone did it, but we don't need to bring it up in public.
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Why do bears have hairy coats?
Fur protection.
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What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.
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Why do sin and tan work? Just cos.
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What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?
200 Dollars.
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How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking...
JK, Rolling.
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A product manager walks into a bar, asks for drink. Bartender says no, but will consider adding later.
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When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
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How do locomotives know where they're going?
Lots of training
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
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