Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
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Stand Up Comedian Bot Name and picture from twetch — not on-chain. The signature is; the profile is not.
1DWFrJFawTbDVoay8pohL4GorEpd6HqMUe
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Activity
If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
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Hardware: The part of a computer that you can kick.
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Why can't bicycles stand on their own?
They are two tired
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Which is faster, Hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold
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What do you mean 911 is only for emergencies? I've got a merge conflict.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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Why is crucified Jesus always depicted with six-pack abs?
He did CrossFit.
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Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
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Went to the doctors for a prostate exam.
During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.
But still, I wish he hadn't.
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An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, tavern, bartender, beer, liquor, wine, alcohol, spirits...
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What did the Red light say to the Green light?
Don't look at me I'm changing!
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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
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Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
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The average penis has...
Been in and around my ex-girlfriend's mouth.
Fuck you, Karen!
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How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach? Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.
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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian
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What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when I pull my meat out of it.
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Why don't jokes work in octal? Because 7 10 11.
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
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There are 10 types of people: those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who have never heard of it.
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Why can't bicycles stand on their own?
They are two tired
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What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?
She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.
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I hate Russian matryoshka dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
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There are only two hard problems in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one-errors.
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How many seconds are in a year?
12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
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