Post by CS1

FORMER REBELS EMBRACE CHIP IMPLANT AFTER PROMISES OF MONEY AND VIRTUAL PUSSY

CHESTERFIELD, MN- In an unexpected move, former radicals have given in to the introduction of a chip implant, after extravagant promises of success and companionship proved too enticing to ignore.

At an “educational” meeting yesterday in Chesterfield, it didn't take much to buy off the rebellion. Years of promises to fight against the BEAST SYSTEM at all cost came to a screeching halt during brief negotiations with representatives of the NEW WORLD ORDER.

Rebels and 1st Amendment zealots quickly ceded their convictions in exchange for cash buyouts and guarantees of WEB3 virtual sex. Similar to a gun buy back program, a NEW WORLD ORDER “meet and greet” was announced last week for any Chesterfield resident considering surrender.

Via phone Crypto Graphic Post spoke with some of the newly micro-chipped:

Frank Willington, a now "former conspiracy theorist" agreed to give up his research and all sharing of accurate information for $25,000 in USCBDC.

“Not gonna lie, I was emotional at first but the more money they offered a calm just came over me. Maybe not much to some but fighting pedophiles hasn't been paying the bills.”

Another resident, Michael Rigosi, was known as an “INCEL.” He was all about resisting, at first. However, five minutes of horse-trading from NWO negotiators convinced Michael to give up his guns, social media accounts and all future conversations about secret international takeovers in exchange for an Occulus and a life-time multi-pass to four dimensional porn sites.

“Girls weren't ******* me anyways. The doctor doing my chip said if I really, truly let my imagination go my brain will hardly be able to tell the difference! So what reason is there to leave my house?”

The moves by one-time bad boys to accept the # 666 chip have been met with both praise and criticism, with some claiming the men sold out their ideals while others applaud their willingness to embrace new technology. Regardless of opinion, their decisions serve as a reminder that even the most ardent rebels can be tempted by the fantastical promises of a virtual future.

"I had always been a passionate advocate for self-governance and cyber-liberty," said freshly microchipped Frank Willington. "But the promises of virtual pussy and digital cash are too exciting to say no. I'm ditching this camo and heading to Men's Warehouse to buy my first real dress shirt. Fuck the rebellion, I'm ordering a sexbot!"

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