CS1 Name and picture from twetch — not on-chain. The signature is; the profile is not.

SPACE FORCE MAKES ALL WORTHLESS COLLEGE DEGREES VALUABLE, TRUMP HAILED AS LIBERAL HERO

CAPE CANAVERAL- In a stunning turn of events, President Trump's Space Force has made all college degrees suddenly valuable, including the much-maligned Gender Studies degree. The unexpected use of Gender Studies came in the form of communicating with an androgynous species of slime from another planet.

The slime's response to gender studies-focused soldiers was reportedly “positive and enthusiastic,” according to sources close to the Space Force. Soldiers with “real” degrees such as business or finance could not figure out how to open a trade deal with the creatures. The slime sits on a valuable resource that could provide unlimited energy to the United States.

After Space Force General Williamson called upon his most radical left wing soldiers, it was soon discovered these creatures have a thousand year tradition of smoking something called “a slime pipe” before licking each others' bodies all over (including the feet) before opening any interstellar negotiation. It turns out, their particular method of communication would not have been discovered without American Gaydar technology.

"None but our most creative soldiers could have figured this out," Williamson told a group of reporters.

Since other soldiers were not willing to participate in the peculiar peace deal for their country, the moment has sparked a surge in appreciation for leftist college degrees we previously agreed were pointless. The Space Force has been hard at work in the past few months, developing innovative strategies to recruit new graduates with the most overlooked degrees available including: Liberal Arts, Racial Justice, and Philosophy.

This slimey discovery marks the first major success of the Space Force and has spurred a renewed interest in our nation's most unproductive students. It turns out, things that normally disqualify a person from a successful career such as: past drug use, personality disorders and disdain for authority are actually prerequisites for mind bending space adventures.

The potential to earn a salary unlocking the vast possibilities of outer space has now caused an influx of students to liberal oriented programs, leading universities to make hand over fist profits and rapidly increase tuition, thanks to former President Donald Trump.

Trump Administration officials have been quick to capitalize on the newfound appreciation of leftist degrees, with former Vice President Mike Pence saying, “This is a major achievement for the Trump Administration, and we are proud to be hailed as liberal heroes in this new Space Age.”

The implications of this are far-reaching as it opens up unforeseen possibilities for the future of the US economy. For now, it has made all college degrees valuable in a way nobody expected- every graduate with a formerly worthless education and outrageous student loan debt can now be sent directly to outer space.

Heart and branch and donate you cheap bastards.

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BUSINESS SAVVY FAN OF TINY FEES DR. CRAIG WRIGHT REALIZES SENDING SATOSHI COIN CHEAPER THAN EXPENSIVE COURT CASES

LONDON- In fears of economic downturn, everybody is laying off employees and looking for ways to trim budgets. But in a surprise move, Dr. Craig Wright, a business savvy proponent of tiny fees and saving corporations money, has announced he will now be using Satoshi Coin to partially prove his identity as the mysterious creator of Bitcoin.

The decision to use the Satoshi Coin, which apparently can be sent for less than a dollar, comes as a surprise to many in the Cryptosphere as Wright was previously involved in numerous court cases, spending millions upon millions of dollars to accomplish what could have been done for a few cents.

Critics of Wright said it was not setting a good example in hard times to lavishly spend on vanity projects while the average Joe fights daily to find affordable eggs. Now Dr. Wright seems to agree.

“I was on a plane on my way to anywhere but the United States. Thinking about microtransactions, how we can save enterprise and governments money right now. I had an idea about morality and the complexities of setting an example in mid to late Roman empire. How do we lead in austerity and cost cutting? I passed a note to staff to pass a note to lawyers to write a note to IPO to apply for a patent on an idea of saving millions of dollars by doing things cheaply and efficiently. I'm going to call it, BUSINESS.”

Wright's shift towards using Satoshi Coin to partially prove identity is being seen as a wise move by many as it not only saves his affiliates a significant amount of money but cuts down on travel expenses and thousands of man hours spent defending BSV against frivolous attacks.

Wright says it will not 100% prove his identity, which is accurate in rare and hypothetical scenarios of criminality. However, if it satisfies over 50% of the general public's curiosity and 90% of mainstream media publications that he is in fact, Satoshi, it could be a financially sound use of a microtransaction.

If you had a laugh, heart branch and donate. thanks!
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